Sayonara CS3

Here's today's rockin' lunch at CS3: yakisoba (noodles), salad (pickles, stringed potatoes, maybe carrots, I don't know what else - I love it), pineapple, milk (word from the wise, never drink milk after eating pineapple or orange) and "American dog" (corndog). I have to say that it's pretty sad that my first corndog was eaten in Japan. Let me also say, however, that it was most excellent. I didn't have much time to eat, though, because I had to deliver a good-bye speech over the loudspeaker. It was pretty lame, but at least the kids understood it.

Today was an overall good day. Hot as the dickens, muggy as a mug, leaving me dripping all day, but good. The students were generally good about me leaving, and I felt so bad. Most of them had no warning, since I didn't really want to make a big deal about it, but I at least felt gratified that they were disappointed that I wasn't coming back. Little babies.

During 6th period, the sannensei had their team jump rope contest, the winning team with 29 jumps. Sugoi!

The ichinensei were fabulous yesterday and today. I got to go to 1B yesterday, my favorite class. When we told them that today was my last day, the girls rushed me after class to sign their... these hard plastic sheets they put under the pages in their notebooks to write. And the ichinensei boys were excited for me to play soccer with them during hiruyasumi. Hooray!!!

The only bad part about today was a certain student who was rude and mean to me all day. Every time I tried to say hello or be cheerful with him he shunned me or outright waved me away. And not in a funny way. In a "get the hell away from me" way. And when I made a last attempt for peace, he up and made "jokes" at my expense with his cool friends. So, at last, a Japanese student has broken me, as when I went to talk about it with SH, try as I might not to, I cried. What a loser am I.

The thing is, not only does it hurt me deeply when anybody is treats me like that, especially when I've only been cheerful and friendly, but it strikes the chord in my heart where all the sad children lie. He represents all the kids who need love, that I won't get to. And he also epitomizes my daily struggle with trying to communicate with students here in Japan.

I can understand his frustration. Perhaps not understanding me makes him feel stupid, so he pushes me away. Or maybe he has a general distrust of foreigners, possibly from home. SH told me that he often acts like that, pushing people away even when they are being nice. He ran into the kid in the hallway right after talking to me, and talked with him, telling him that he made me cry. Apparently the boy was surprised. I'm glad that SH was able to talk to him, not for any sort of vindication, but so that the boy can maybe realize that his actions hurt people who care about him, and he can maybe deep down inside know that I am one of those people.

On a brighter note, I can see him in the pictures from jump rope practice, see the smile on his face, and know that he is just a baby, a child, and inside him there is still innocent joy.